Out of the Adoption Fog

A poem and self-photograph by Emily Alber

As an adoptee, I feel a second timeline running parallel to my adopted life. 

Out of the FOG, I am suspended in between; knowing my unadopted life didn’t exist, though a connection to that identity is truer than what I ever had here. 

My adoptee affections polarize realities, causing reactions that unjustly inflict pain. 

I can’t seem to touch life. 

I will never be un-adopted. 

Blood or non-blood, I never fully synchronize with members of either family. 

Time in the beginning was chaos and time in the end is lost. 

Reflection is delirium.  

I exist here in solitude; perpetually searching for the answers to me.