Well, its been a minute! I hope all is well with everyone.
I took time away to make life changes and I am happy to report that I have lost 25lbs, achieved 14 months of sobriety and enrolled myself in school to get after a second degree in Psychology and Neuroscience. I also had oral surgery (please tell me none of you have had to experience a palate expander as an adult… ugh).
Art is still on, popping and my style has changed dramatically. Good news.
Sadly, on November 6th of 2023, the love of my life (my dog) passed away after 11 years of keeping me on my toes. I miss her more than I can find words for. She was my child and my soulmate… she’s one very good thing that existed in my adopted world.
As a person with little experience with death (but plenty with loss), I often wondered if that event would feel like an abandonment when the day arrived. It did not. Charlie passed peacefully on my chest as we laid together on the floor of her vet’s office. It was one of the most spiritual experiences I have ever had… and I did it alone (intentionally). I continue to learn from Charlie in death and part of that has been acknowledging that I am incredibly tough and fairly resilient.
I love to talk about Charlie’s last day in 12-step recovery group meetings to help illustrate that it is possible to get through dark times without using drugs or alcohol. Charlie seems to live on in conversations with the other addicts and alcoholics I mentor or sit at tables with. That makes me immeasurably happy; Charlie’s life had real purpose and that will continue far into my future.
The real magic happened when I came to the realization that I hadn’t thought once on that day (or in the weeks following) about taking extra pills, smoking weed or drinking wine to avoid my feelings. Amen! The obsession has been lifted. FREEDOM.
Exactly six months following Charlie’s death (Friday of last week), I became an orange cat mom! I am sure I will have a lot to say in the future about my new feral friend, but for now we are still getting to know each other… and it’s going exceptionally well :)
School. Oh, school. I fucking love you. Give me more Psychology knowledge so I can make a difference one day! FYI: I am chasing the research dream. Hopefully I am able to put in the time/work, pull through despite crippling ADHD and move forward with testing my theories. We need more published writings so future adoptees can find them and say: HEY! LOOK! IT’S ME! I’M VALIDATED! Hopefully that will promote some type of healing. Who knows… but I’m gonna try!
Anyway… I of course had to write here after reading more on Nature-Nurture (genetic and environmental influence) in my Lifespan Psychology textbook tonight. It is no longer an “argument”, but an “issue”. It seems logical as an adoptee to think that my genetics and heredity are just as powerful as my adopted-life experiences, so I am glad to learn the “vs” has been canned. My brain is fried, sorry. More on this later!
To wrap it up, for those of you who might be unfamiliar with adoption issues, adopted-life experiences are ongoing. This is the trauma that keeps on giving. We experience it and re-experience it in different ways as we move through new phases of and experiences in our lives. We also don’t get to jump backwards and find out what the “other life” would have been like… even if we skip timelines and walk into our biological families as adults. It just doesn’t work. Too much is lost and we are who we are now.
We are also people who think about what life would be like had we not been relinquished… but are doing so with a relinquished brain. Our filters/lenses are very unique and they unfortunately can be damaged.
Anyway, I’m back! I look forward to sharing with you more about what I learn in class and what my thoughts are as a neurodivergent adoptee.
Oh! I’m not on personal Facebook anymore, so if you are interested, feel free to find me on Instagram or Facebook (business) as Emily Alber Art. Muah!
See below: Emily and Jam Alber <3
