There was no one before the primal wound.

A poem and photograph by Emily Alber

Pre-verbal trauma robbed me of authentic identity…

There is no me to heal back to.

There was no one before the primal wound.

In my pursuit, I have become further traumatized; uncovering truths from the past that are reprehensible.

Answers will not come from where I’ve been searching.

My mystery must be solved from within.

Pre-verbal trauma is a developmental disturbance with long-lasting impacts. This trauma for adoptees is sustained during separation from one’s biological mother after birth, though many people believe this event begins in-utero. Our unique wounding impacts how we interpret the world, our relationships with others and our experiences with the self. I am in the process of healing this injury alongside disenfranchised grief through my art practice, as there is no conscious memory of or language to express these events.

Place a canvas between what society expects of me as an adoptee and my true feelings of loss… and that’s where art comes out. Many of my paintings represent a purge of disenfranchised grief through layered texture, covered by one color. I see this as a representation of life-long conditioning to mask complex emotions.

For more information on pre-verbal trauma and the adoptee experience, click here.

To understand more about “the primal wound” and how it impacts adopted people, please consider viewing the recently released film Reckoning With The Primal Wound by Rebecca Autumn Sansom.